Not Quite the Way You Planned

I leave for Cairo in less than two months. When did THAT happen?!

I’ve wanted to do this photo project since November. I want to teach photography to people who live in the “Cities of the Dead.” Unfortunately, I’m not on top of my game and as a result, I can’t pull this together. Grant opportunities have passed. Foundations have not responded to my proposals. Research leads to dead ends.

And this is what I was afraid of. I’ve told people about this project, I’ve written essays about it, I’ve been working to prepare everything in my head and in writing, but I’ve done nothing to set it in motion. And because I’m such a lazy little shit, I can’t get this project off the ground. And I feel like I’ve failed. Almost everyone I know is doing something great to help humanity, and I’m trying. I’m really trying because I really want to do this. It seems, however, that I didn’t want it enough.

This sucks. Why does it seem so hard to help people? Why can’t I just have the money and resources I need? Is it really so much to ask for? (Yes, yes it is.) I guess it’s my own fault for making it this hard for myself.


3 Responses to Not Quite the Way You Planned

  1. Jesse says:

    who are all these people you know that are doing stuff for humanity? I think you are being too hard on yourself. You can do what I do to help people, offer your services as a low cost prostitute in third world countries. Its all part of my International Aid (no pun intended) Program, F.F.P. Fucking for Peace. Not to be confused with my anti-starvation sex foundation, F.F.P. Fucking for Pie (I like apple). I realize I should chose a new title for one of those but you know what, I’m lazy too.

  2. Sterling says:

    good to know. maybe i should look into those.

  3. […] I still feel the same way. And I’m still really embarrassed. Maybe I should just suck it up and stop trying to pursue […]

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