As Hard As I Try

Recently I commented on this post at Change.org about making divorce illegal in Oklahoma. This morning I was thinking about my mom and her somewhat recent denouncement of her faith. And in all of these thoughts, I have, once again, come to realize why I took a vow of celibacy, why I don’t think I want to marry, and ultimately why I find it so terribly and painfully urgent to encourage beauty and love in education. As I’ve quoted before from one of my favorite books Still Life with Woodpecker:

…yes, to make sexual love so secure and same and sanitary, so slick and frolicsome, so casual that it is not a manifestation of love at all, but a near anonymous, near autonomous, hedonistic scratching of a bunny itch, an itch far removed from any direct relation to the feverish enigmas of Life and Death, and a scratching programmed so that it would in no way interfere with the real purpose of human beings in a capitalistic, puritanical society, which is to produce goods and consume them?

Love and beauty are taken so lightly in this country (in this century, even), that marriage seems like the ultimate expression of love. And when people lose that lovin’ feeling, they end it like it was just a bad dream. With all the pressure to be married and to have children, people will settle for less because they think it’s the right thing to do.

It seems people do not value love and beauty like they value science and economics. Without appreciation for love and beauty, social structures and individual worth deteriorate. Maybe if we focused a little more on being human, the world may be in better shape. Though I guess that’s a rather large statement to say that love and beauty are human, instead of science and math and economics and politics and other whatnot.

I guess to be fair I’ll end on another quote from Woodpecker:

Humans are the most advanced of mammals – although a case could be made for dolphins – because they seldom grow up….Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

In conclusion, my thoughts are over the place. I just needed to say these few things. Maybe I need a nap.

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2 Responses to As Hard As I Try

  1. I admire your courage to openly submit to celibacy (to me it means simply not getting married, rather than chastity) because not many women consider it as an option for happiness. Every time I attempt to say that I want to have my own personal satisfaction before kids and/or “marriage,” my family looks at me like I have lost my mind. I am young sure, but that is no reason to underestimate a strong willed mind because, as far as I am concerned, the old tend to forget what it was like to be young. I would rather get an education, have my own place to live and a stable job before I consider marriage, if I ever do.
    I didn’t mean for this to be so long, I really only wanted to say that I admired your ability to openly admit to celibacy (without protest from others, if I may be so impertinent) and I envy that.

  2. Sterling says:

    haha, thank you, but my vow of celibacy was actually last year. i had just gotten out of a terrible relationship, and i took it until i found someone worth my love.

    and yes, it seems that our generation has bigger dreams than just getting married! my parents have no problem with it, but i know my friends’ parents do. it’s always nice to hear i’m not the only one who wants to do more than just marry 🙂

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